google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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