Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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