idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
