Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
