I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
PANTIES FOUND
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