I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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