Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(212): View more from New York

the recession has oofficially hit my standards.

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(530): View more from California

No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.

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(516): View more from New York

She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore

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(415): View more from California

Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.

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(512): View more from Texas

Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus

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(226): View more from Ontario

I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.

(336): View more from North Carolina

THAT'S MY GIRL

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(770): View more from Georgia

They left me at home... I'm a liability

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