That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
