i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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