this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
