Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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