Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
