First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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