Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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