Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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