Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
