Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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