In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
she smelled like a LAN party
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
