Its about making memories worth repressing
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
