maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
