I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
