the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
