Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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