I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
