Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
