There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
