Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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