life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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