you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
