Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
