I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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