Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
