if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
