The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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