i came on her dog
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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