dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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