While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
