Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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