Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
