Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
