I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I pour the whiskey from now on
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
