I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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