Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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