that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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