Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
