pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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