so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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