can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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