I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
