ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
