hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
