...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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