my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
