life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
