Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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