The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You ate ashes out of my bong
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
