it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
