Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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