Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
fuck your aforementioned shoe
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
