I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
