Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
