Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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