if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
