I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
did you just send me my own nude
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
