i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
