I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
