the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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