I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Randomize
