We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
