There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
