i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
