Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Did I show you my penis last night?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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