I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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