Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
